


Just a Bit of a Nuisance Really

by InsincerelyCrowley



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 13 Days of Halloween Writing Challenge, A Very British Exorcism, Attempt at Humor, Demonic Possession, Halloween, Humor, M/M, Mild Language, Possession, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27323152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsincerelyCrowley/pseuds/InsincerelyCrowley
Summary: “Hello Father.” He hurriedly beckoned his guest inside.The visitor frowned as they stepped into the house.  “I can assure you that I am no priest… which does beg the question of why you called me here?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Just a Bit of a Nuisance Really

**Author's Note:**

> For Racketghost’s 13 days of Halloween prompt “Possession”

The front door opened with an ominous creak. Nervously peaking outside, Douglas sagged in relief upon seeing the figure standing over the threshold.

“Hello Father.” He hurriedly beckoned his guest inside.

The visitor frowned as they stepped into the house. “I can assure you that I am no priest… which does beg the question of why you called me here?

Douglas appeared confused, but apparently decided not to look a gift-horse in the mouth by asking questions. His guest had agreed to come after-all and that was all that mattered. “Yes, well, I was given your number from my local church. They told me that you had experience in dealing with… these kinds of things. I’m sorry to just assume…”

“And exactly what ‘kind of thing’ are we talking about here?”

Douglas shifted uncomfortably. “I think it’s better if you see for yourself. It’s been quite active lately, so I don’t think you’ll have to wait too long.”

“Active?”

Guiding his guest out of the entryway and into the hall, Douglas began to explain. “It all started about a month ago. At first it was small things – stuff moved out of their proper places, windows I was sure I’d closed being found open, the occasional strange noise. I thought I was just imagining things, so I ignored it… but then things started to get… worse.”

“In what way.”

Before Douglas could answer a loud inhuman groaning sound echoed out from the walls around them. The windows at the end of the hall began to rattle so violently they threatened to shatter completely, and an antique vase fell off a side table and smashed on the ground.

The visitor merely raised an eyebrow at the display, while Douglas looked as though he was seconds away from passing out.

“I see.” The guest looked towards Douglas and smiled briefly. “Well, it just so happens that your contact at the church was right after all.” He began ushering the terrified man back down the hall and out the front door. “Yes, no need to worry, you just wait outside, and I’ll have this all sorted out in a jiffy.” The door closed in Douglas’s face.

Returning to the hall the visitor noted that a sinister scraping sound had started up inside the walls. He was thoroughly unimpressed.

“Really my dear, must you be quite so dramatic?”

The sound stopped.

“Crowley, I know you’re in here. There’s no use ignoring me or sulking. Now would you please come out from wherever you’re hiding and talk to me properly?”

Out of the corner of his eye Aziraphale saw a large black snake slither down from the rafters and across the wall. Upon reaching the floor, it transformed into a rather sullen looking demon.

Aziraphale turned to the demon expectantly. “I thought you were supposed to be performing a temptation in Wales?”

Crowley scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I was. Finished it early didn’t I? Only, on the way back home, downstairs decided to give me another assignment.”

Aziraphale crossed his arms and waited for more.

Crowley sighed. “The bloke that lives here, he’s a bit of do-gooder – donates to charity regularly, feeds the homeless, reads to sick kids at the hospital – a proper saint apparently. He’s been spreading enough goodwill around here that Hell took notice. They wanted him corrupted.”

Aziraphale’s lips twitched into what could have been the beginnings of a smirk. “And your idea of corruption is a spot of light vandalism coupled with some questionable noises? All of which seems to have done nothing but push the poor man to his nearest church?”

Crowley looked down and shuffled uncomfortably. “Yeah, well, it looks good in the films.”

The angel burst out laughing. “You’re taking possession tips from the moving pictures now?”

“Only because I know it’s a load of bollocks! … Look, to be honest, I didn’t want to do anything properly, y’know, demonic. From what I can see this bloke is actually a decent guy. Corrupting him would just cause a ripple effect of misery for people who are already struggling, and I didn’t have the stomach for it. I figured I’d just cause a bit of a nuisance, wait for him to call a priest in so I could put on a bit of a show, and then scarper before they blessed the place. That way I could report back that I’d tried but my best efforts were thwarted – Hell wouldn’t risk sending another demon to a blessed house, and I’d probably get stuck with a couple of shit assignments as punishment. Job done. The last thing I expected was for him to call you over.”

“Well apparently I’ve developed something of a reputation for exorcising demons. Afterall, this isn’t the first time you’ve caused havoc for the humans while I was there to thwart you. It’s almost as if you were planning to get caught and shooed away every time.”

Aziraphale smiled smugly at the demon. His smile faded into a bemused frown as he recalled something he had yet to have an answer for.

“There is one thing I’m still rather confused about though. Earlier – on the phone – I’m sure Douglas mentioned something about blood running down the walls? That seems a little excessive for a slight nuisance dear.”

Crowley shrugged. “In my defence, he ran out of the room before he saw the words…I was just trying to remind him that he was out of milk. He forgets a lot and then gets all upset when he can’t have a cup of tea in the morning.”

Crowley held up a finger to cut-off whatever sappy remark the angel was about to make. “Not a word.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything my dear.” Aziraphale said with a knowing grin. “Although, I must say, it has been a bit of an inconvenience having to come all the way out here … and it is getting awfully late...” He raised his eyebrows at Crowley pleadingly.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, time to go… The Bentley’s not parked too far away, do you want a lift back to London or…”

“Oh, that would be lovely dear. Thank you. Provided of course you stick to a reasonable speed.”

Crowley wisely chose not to comment on that last part. Instead he grasped at Aziraphale’s arm to stop him from moving towards the door. “Angel… before we leave… y’know how I said before that I was expecting to duck out before a priest blessed the place...”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh, oh of course. We certainly wouldn’t want any other demons to be able to get in here after I’ve gotten rid of you after all. Wait for me outside dear – at a safe distance – and I’ll be out in a tick.”

Crowley smiled and snapped his fingers.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a passage in the book: ‘Aziraphale, who had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn’t it getting late? And Crowley had always got the hint.’


End file.
